Relationship Issues - Kind Soul Psych

Relationship Issues and How Therapy Can Help

Disclaimer: The author, Sabbir Ahmed, is a registered psychotherapist (UKCP Reg: 2011164676). Sabbir has written this article for informational and educational purposes only, and referenced relevant sources when writing this article.

Reading this article, in and of itself, does not create a therapist–client relationship.

All content is provided on an “as is” basis; no guarantees are made as to its accuracy or completeness.

You are highly encouraged to seek advice from a licensed psychotherapist, psychiatrist, or other registered mental health provider for any individual enquiries or concerns you may have regarding your mental health.

The information contained on Kind Soul Psych is for general information purposes only and does not purport to be, or constitute, medical and/or legal advice.

Relationships are a fundamental cornerstone within our lives, and the best of relationships will face some considerable challenges (Gottman, 1994).

From communication breakdowns to trust issues, unsolved problems can and will often create emotional distress (Johnson, 2004), resulting with couples feeling frustrated or disconnected.

The good news? Couples therapy and counseling offers tried and tested tools (Newman, 2002) to address these challenges, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional bonds, ultimately overcoming these challenges.

This guide to relationship issues aims to explore the following:

Common relationship problems
The importance of communication in relationships
Steps to resolve conflicts
How therapy can help couples reconnect

Recognising Common Relationship Problems

Every relationship has highs and lows, but persistent issues between partners can weaken emotional intimacy and trust.

Common relationship issues include:

Communication breakdown, wherein poor communication between partners (assumptions, misunderstandings and unexpressed emotions; Gottman, 1994) leads to frustration and resentment,
Trust issues, which can be precipitated by trust being broken (whether via dishonesty, infidelity or unmet expectations; Johnson, 2004),
Emotional distance; emotional intimacy can fade due to life stressors, unresolved conflicts, or lack of quality time together (between partners) which can make couples feel disconnected (Markman et al., 2010)
Frequent arguments/heated disagreements; although disagreements are normal within the context of a relationship, constant fighting without resolution can lead to lasting resentment and emotional exhaustion (Gottman, 1994).
Infidelity and betrayal: Cheating is one of the most difficult issues to overcome within a relationship; rebuilding a relationship after betrayal requires commitment, open dialogue, and often professional guidance (Newman, 2002).
Stress and anxiety: External factors such as financial struggles, work pressures, or fear of abandonment can create tension within a relationship, thereby impacting relationship dynamics (Markman et al., 2010).

Signs Your Relationship May Be In Trouble:

Early warning signs (Gottman, 1994) can help couples address issues before they escalate. Look out for:

Avoiding conversations or emotional withdrawal
Feeling disconnected or unsupported
Frequent unresolved arguments
Lack of trust or constant suspicion
Declining emotional or physical intimacy
Feeling misunderstood or unappreciated

If these signs persist, seeking professional counseling can help resolve these issues between the couple and thereby restore harmony between the partners within the relationship.

Why Communication is Key in Relationships

Effective communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship; without it, small misunderstandings can spiral into major conflicts (Gottman, 1994).

There are a number of actionable tips to improve communication, which include:

Practicing active listening (paying attention to the person you are speaking with, without interrupting or pre-judging them),
Expressing yourself clearly by using clear language such as “I feel hurt when…” in lieu of an attacking, blaming or otherwise condescending tone (Markman et al., 2010)
Avoiding assumptions by asking relevant questions in dialogue to clarify your partner’s intentions;
Scheduling important conversations by dedicating time in advance to discuss sensitive or difficult topics.
Seeking therapy where needed; a professional couples counsellor can teach couples tools for navigating difficult conversations.

How to Resolve Relationship Problems

Addressing issues proactively prevents further damage. Here’s how couples can tackle common challenges:

1. Rebuilding Trust

Acknowledge the issue: Be honest about what caused the betrayal, misunderstanding or other issue.
Take responsibility: Apologise sincerely and demonstrate a willingness to change.
Set boundaries: Establish clear expectations to rebuild trust step-by-step (Johnson, 2004).

2. Strengthening Emotional Intimacy

Spend quality time together and prioritise activities that nurture your bond as a couple.
Share your feelings openly to deepen connection, even demonstrating some vulnerability within the relationship.
Show gratitude, regularly expressing appreciation for your partner’s efforts (Gottman, 1994).

3. Managing Conflicts Constructively

Address problems early and avoid letting frustrations fester.
Stay calm, approaching disagreements with patience and empathy.
Find compromises, focusing on solutions that meet both partners’ needs (Newman, 2002)

4. Seeking Professional Help

Couples counseling provides a neutral space to discuss challenges and find solutions. In this context, therapists, such as couples counsellors or psychotherapists, guide couples through exercises to improve communication and emotional closeness (Johnson, 2004)

The Role of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a powerful resource for addressing relationship struggles, and can support partners to uncover the root problems within their relationships, build healthier habits, and reconnect emotionally (Newman, 2002). The key benefits of relationship counselling include the following:

Improved communication, learning strategies to express feelings and listen effectively.
Better conflict resolution, discovering ways to resolve disagreements peacefully.
Rebuilding trust, gaining tools to repair damage and rebuild confidence.
Stronger emotional bonds, fostering deeper intimacy and understanding.
Navigating transitions such as marriage, parenting, or relocation with expert help, that supports couples through life changes (Gottman, 1994).

Do not wait to seek counselling until problems escalate; couples therapy is beneficial for resolving persistent conflicts, rebuilding intimacy, or managing significant life changes (Markman et al., 2010).

Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Mutual respect, trust, and effort are the building blocks of a strong relationship.

There are a number of ways in which couples can strengthen their relationships, which include the following:

Showing appreciation, regularly thanking your partner for their support.
Maintaining independence, pursuing your own personal interests (which do not infringe upon the relationship) to stay fulfilled.
Invest in quality time by creating moments of undivided attention.
Practice forgiveness, by letting go of past mistakes and moving forward together as a couple.
Celebrate milestones, by recognising achievements and anniversaries.

Unrealistic relationship expectations often lead to frustration; managing expectations through open communication and compromise helps keep relationships balanced (Gottman, 1994) through setting healthy relationship expectations. This can be done by acknowledging imperfection, accepting that no relationship is flawless, discussing needs regularly, checking in about boundaries and priorities and above all being patient, allowing adequate time for growth and positive change.

Long-Distance Relationships: Overcoming Unique Challenges

Long-distance relationships come with limited physical interaction and communication barriers, but these can be managed with effort and creativity. There are a number of actionable tips for couples in long-distance relationships to stay connected, including the following:

Prioritise communication, using video calls and messaging apps to stay close.
Plan visits; regular meetups can help maintain physical intimacy.
Set shared goals: discuss future relationship plans to maintain hope and alignment.

Dealing with Breakups

Where reconciliation within a relationship simply isn’t possible, coping with a breakup can be emotionally draining. However, there are a few tips which one can follow to overcome the effects of a breakup:

Allow yourself to grieve, and process your emotions without guilt.
Lean on support systems, talking to friends, family, or a therapist.
Focus on self-care, engaging in activities that bring you comfort and joy.
Learn from experience, using the lessons to grow personally and prepare for healthier relationships (Newman, 2002)

Dealing with Infidelity in Relationships

Dealing with infidelity can be challenging, to say the least – as a significant breach of trust, many will wonder whether it is even possible to rebuild a relationship after infidelity occurs.

However, recovery from infidelity is possible with dedication and openness.

Steps to Rebuild After Infidelity:

Open Dialogue – Discuss the betrayal honestly and listen to each other’s feelings.
Reestablish Trust – Set boundaries and demonstrate accountability.
Seek Therapy – Professional support can help couples navigate the healing process (Johnson, 2004).

Healthy relationships require effort, patience, and mutual respect. While challenges are inevitable, they don’t have to lead to disconnection.

Couples therapy offers tools to improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen bonds. Whether you’re dealing with infidelity, emotional distance, or conflict, professional support can guide you toward a happier, healthier relationship (Newman, 2002).

Conclusion:

Relationships are both complex and dynamic, and even the strongest partnerships can face significant challenges, from communication breakdowns and trust issues to emotional distance and conflict.

However, with good communication, working through conflicts before they boil over, and with the help of couples therapy, partners can restore and rebuild their bonds.

By addressing issues as they arise and committing to mutual growth, couples can restore intimacy once lost and create a supportive foundation for the future.

FAQ:

Q: What are some common relationship problems?
A: Common problems include communication breakdowns, trust issues, emotional distance, frequent arguments, infidelity, and stress caused by external factors (Gottman, 1994; Johnson, 2004).

Q: How can couples improve their communication?
A: Couples can improve communication by practicing active listening, using “I” statements, avoiding assumptions, scheduling quality conversations, and seeking professional therapy if needed (Newman, 2002).

Q: What are the benefits of couples therapy?
A: Couples therapy can improve communication, provide better conflict resolution strategies, rebuild trust, strengthen emotional bonds, and offer support during life changes (Johnson, 2004).

Q: When should a couple seek counseling?
A: Counseling is advisable when persistent conflicts, lack of trust, emotional disconnection, or significant life challenges start affecting the relationship’s quality (Markman et al., 2010).

References:

Gottman, J. (1994) Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. New York: Warner Books.
Johnson, S.M. (2004) The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. New York: Brunner-Routledge.
Markman, H.J., Stanley, S.M. and Blumberg, S.L. (2010) Fighting for Your Marriage. New York: Routledge
Newman, R. (2002) ‘Investigating the road to resilience’, Monitor on Psychology, 33(9), available at: https://www.apa.org/monitor/oct02/pp (Accessed: 16 February 2025).

Helping you create change and uncover inner happiness